Monday, April 17, 2006

Just A Moment

Every night I lie down, my soul sinks, heart wails, and my emotions turn into despair, as I attempt to embody their total experience. Their experiences of being government property, living parallel lives of uncertainty, violence, and terrorism, temporarily. But with temporary uncertainty, that state could become an eternity.

My soul filled with their fears, their harsh realities, causing a whirl of emotions leaving my spirit hurt, tormented and anxious. Unsure to say the least. Unsure that the last time we talked will be the last time we talked; and our last laughs; our last cries; our last goodbyes.

They have two years to serve their time to the government. That's 730 days minus time served of me waking and laying to rest, imagining them doing the same. Wondering what their thoughts are, while knowing their fears, worrying about their safety, knowing my fears. Hoping they come home safe, knowing their survival will only validate their need to live.

Understanding they made their own decisions to become government property, still knowing they, as black men, have no place there. Knowing they wish they could turn back time and change the mistakes in their lives by making such a life changing decision.

Just know I pray everynight for yall's safety and not a day goes by where I don't think about yall.

I Love Yall


Julius F. (my cousin, Serving in the U.S. Marines in Iraq)



Kevin R. (my BD, Serving time in the state penitentary)

15 comments:

Sangindiva said...

I was thinking that same thing!!
Just DEEP! Great post!

Contemplations of a Woman said...

yes they are both prisons are far as I am concerned !

MZPEACH said...

Beautiful. Great song, great post. Hope all is well. Praying for their speedy and safe return.

TTD said...

are you waiting for your BD? my homegirl just decided to.. it's hard! so someone needs to pray for you to have strength to hold it down for him... as well as you praying for them...

Nika Laqui said...

Thanks yall...

TTD, Girl NO, I'm not waiting like tryna hold it down for him or nothing like that. I could nver be in a relationship with him again. However, I wouldn't wish jail on my worse enemy...

My son is waiting for him and sad all the time which makes me sad. That's still my child's father and I care about him, but I'm not waiting for him.

I'm sure that would be hard.

Anonymous said...

Girl ya butt is wild as hell for real....thats why I been missin ya azz and all ya insane stories....I like the new look girly!! you stay doing something new...love it

BrownSugga said...

WELL I KNOW ALL ABOUT PRISONS. IM A PRISONER TO THE GOVERNMENT AND I'VE WORKED IN TWO FOR YEARS. I'VE BEEN TO IRAQ AND WILL PROBALBY BE GOING BACK IN ANOTHER SEVEN MONTHS. ALL I CAN DO IS PRAY AND HAVE FAITH.

Kip said...

To Nsane,

I hope these young men come out alright one being in the army and one in prision.

I have never been to the military I would not like it. But out here in the state that I live in I can tell you a lot about deaths, gangs wars (the cuz-blood, hispanic gangs, aryan brotherhood and nazi lowriders) police brutality, etc.

I could tell you a lot about jails and prisons out here in this state seeing that every other state imitate this state that I live in any way where it comes to negativity.

Prison or jail is no fun especially if you end up in the shu I will not say more about this subject.

Take care nsane

LUVIN ME said...

I hope that both of them come home safely. I can't even imagine what either of them are going through, or your son for that matter.

Thank God that your son has a strong mother around....

Tha BossMack TopSoil said...

You get Deeper and Deeper baby.

nikki said...

this post reminds me of just how important every little decision we make in our lives really is. thank you for depicting the dilemma of the american black man in such an eloquent and heartfelt manner.i hope those two cats know how much you care for their welfare.

MZPEACH said...

Girl this is the new anthem!

MZPEACH said...

Yes, I am telling listening to this song.

MZPEACH said...

are you okay?

mrs.tj said...

You know my dumb ass was going to the old spot! HA!
I miss the erotic stories!
holla!