Thursday, April 27, 2006


BOSSMACK lets us know, along with Rick James and Iceberg Slim, about the game of COP AND BLOW. So I'm just about to tell yall about all the new men I've added to my imaginary team of lovers. I'm crazy, don't yall know that by now?

Everyone that knows me, knows that I love Carmelo. He was doing very well during the season, but now in playoffs, his game has been a little disappointing. This is him walking to the bench. Game 2 against the LA Clippers, he basically warmed the bench. Nuggets were down a good 20 points in the first half so I stopped watching that bullshit. But just because he played shitty didn't mean a thang. He been playing shitty on and off every since he left Syracuse...

This is the real reason I'm turned off by Carmelo, cause of this ugly ass fit he rocking? WTF he got on? Capri pants? Gymshoes, no socks? (Not that thats bad, I hate socks too) But what are those gymshoes coordinating with? And why is he wearing his hat over his eyes like that? That is not gangsta at all....
He's a Gemini, that's why our relationship lasted so long....*lol* At least he understands my moodiness. (RobMack *wink wink*)


Geminis and Aquarians see the world in pretty much the same terms. Both Gemini and Aquarius are sparkling, friendly people who have quickly passing moments of moodiness. Both signs are guided more by their minds than their emotions. A love affair between these two signs would be based on a basic similarity of outlook. Neither sign is very possessive, which is good since both need the freedom to come and go at will, and the freedom to be left alone when the mood strikes. Geminis like to argue and Aquarians are sometimes rather quick-tempered. But neither one of you tends to hold a grudge. The vibrations here are very compatible; in fact, they might be a little too compatible to produce the kind of tension that love often needs. Both signs enjoy the challenge of new love situations and are sometimes bored when things settle down to a dull routine. Each sign should work hard to provide mental stimulation for the other, or each must be free enough to come together without rancor. Otherwise, there is a possibility that this romantic relationship will fall into the humdrum of two people who know each other too well to supply the "spark" of newness that both signs passionately crave.

It looks like we lost our spark...*lol* But we still cool.

His outfit alone turned me off, not to mention his sub par performance, that just sealed the deal. He lost his top spot new Baby, Floyd Mayweather.

Every since the first time I laid eyes on "Pretty Boy"(because he has a reputation for leaving fights unscarred as pictured above) Floyd, I was in love, but I was never able to see many of his fights because I didn't have cable. Out of sight out of mind. But now that I have ON Demand, I watch his fight daily. This picture was taken with a camera phone in Vegas, after the fight, compliments of SO..WISE...SISTA. (I'm so jealous she was that close to my man. If I was there, I would have said something silly like, "Baby are your balls, okay?" {See his balls right there?, I want to make it grow...*lol*} Eluding to that fact that I could help with that...I wouldn't say let me help you, but I would show my concern and maybe he would pick up on the hint and we could go have some fun...*lol*)

His birthday is a few weeks after mine, so he's a Pisces. I don't know how well I get alone with Pisces. Let's see....


Both signs have a great concern for other people, and both are likely to be sympathetic and generous at times and self-centered and selfish at other. These two sympathetic signs can talk to each other easily and so quickly get relationship all into alignment. Both of these signs like to exert entirely different kinds of control in relationships. Aquarius will dictate but Pisces controls the emotional undercurrents. Aquarius might seem to be on top but Pisces knows that can be the biggest of Aquarian illusions. If this combination is played with great savoir-faire, it could be very interesting and enlightening to both. Challenges arise on a personal level. Aquarius is simply more logical than emotional, and hates to feel smothered or hemmed in. Pisces sometimes experiences love at its most fullfilling when they can smother and hem someone in. Aquarians can be quite stubborn, quick-tempered, and argumentative. Pisces wants to feel very secure and treasured. Both will have to accept the challenge of finding joy in what is very different between each other. If this is accomplished, both signs can vibrate through the best and worst of times.

According to the stars, we will be a great couple as long as he doesn't smother me. At first its cool, but later down the line, he would have to ease up a bit. I don't know I might just let him smother and hem me in, that sounds fun...*lol*

He and I could spar together in our spare time. It would be a great workout for him because I box southpaw, but I'm right handed... It would definitely get me in shape and season my boxing skills....

He has kicked everybody ass, so he can definitely protect me. He has stamina and he sexy as all hell.

I would lick all the sweat off his body after we finish working out. My baby need to quit fighting, I don't want him to become brain damaged. He speaks pretty well for a boxer and seems cool as fuck.

Just don't nobody tell Floyd that I was looking at Zab, before he hit my man in the balls, like he kinda sexy and cute in a weird, funny looking way...*lol*

And while Carmelo was benched, I copped Corey Maggete fine ass.
Corey Antoine Maggette (born November 12, 1979 in Melrose Park, Illinois) is an NBA basketball player, a small forward for the Los Angeles Clippers. He was originally selected with the 13th overall pick in the 1999 NBA Draft out of Duke University by the Seattle SuperSonics, and was immediately traded to the Orlando Magic.

So he's from here, so that's an automatic plus. But he might just be on that I cop and blow quickly after I get what I want..

He's a Scorpio and it wouldn't work for too long.


Few people are as stubbornly different as the these two signs. Aquarius need personal freedom and Scorpio is deeply suspicious of anyone who says they love and yet remains so independent and emotionally detached. Many astrologers claim that Scorpio can truly love only that which Scorpio controls. Aquarius will experience that as a problem area. The idea of being controlled is more than Aquarius can usually handle. Naturally, the extremely mental Aquarian is bound to bring out the most secretive behavior of Scorpio's inspecting nature, and Aquarius will then find it difficult to deal with someone who doesn't communicate his feelings and thoughts openly. Scorpio may find it difficult to deal with someone whose mind is where Scorpio thinks a person's heart should be. Aquarius will wonder what all the emotional fuss is about, and honestly not have a clue. These two signs can lead the other to very different psychological spaces. The vibration could be good in both spaces, if each consents to go willingly with the other.

He look so sexy with that bald head. What I would do to that head, considering I never had a bald man before....

And Cliffused to be #2 on my list, but he didn't invite me to the threesome he had with Hoopz, so I'm a little salty about that one. He knew I liked her...*lol* Besides, she's a little butchy to me, I think she goes both ways, anyway, before this alleged threesome.

We had a great relationship, minus ocassional baby mama drama...*lol
And his little relationship with Lauren London. She just gotta go be with all my men. First it was Neef,
now TI. She was also fucking with Lil Weezy, before Trina got him. She gets around...Can I get some of that???...*lol* (Me in my penis envy mode)

But TI know where home is, when he not withhis BM and that's here with me. We had a great companionship.

We're perfect mates, according to the stars.


For the Aquarian, Libra is one of the best matches. The Libra mind works like the Aquarius mind. Libra is logical and clever, and though Libra might complain that Aquarius is not romantic enough, both signs will know that Aquarius really is perfect for Libra. All the things Libra likes to say and hear aren't necessarily things Libra deeply believes. They just sound nice. Love between these two signs will often be a case of who's zooming who. Both like it that way, since both believe that life and love were made for fun, and not for any deep brooding obsessions. Libra will share the Aquarian love of style and finery. In fact, Libra is likely to love it more than Aquarius. Both are likely to be excellent conversationalists with fine senses of humor, knowing how to forgive and forget and certainly not holding grudges. Each needs freedom, so fortunately, neither is jealous or possessive. Neither likes to argue, and both like a rich social life. The vibrations should work out very well.

He can always come back. What's his oblation? (Bossmack..*lol*) He has to let me watch him hit Hoopz next time...*lol* and he can have his spot back, or whenever I blow Corey, he can have his #2 spot back, whichever comes first...*lol*

Even though these are my imaginary men, I have a crazy love-hate relationship with Virgos. The real men in my life. (Puddy and PCC).


The Aquarius partner might seem a little fuzzy and confusing to Virgo, and Aquarius is stubborn in what to Virgo seems like chaos and disarray. It is neither chaos nor disarray. In Aquarius's own way, Aquarius every bit as logical as Virgo. Virgo, however, is listening to the vibrations of the earth and the voice of everyday reality. Aquarius is listening to a voice from some whole 'nother place. Aquarius retaliates against criticism more quickly than almost any other sign, so Virgos in love with the WaterBearer must watch a tendency to deliver helpful hints to organize the Aquarian. Aquarius is rebellious and Virgo is happily set among rules that Virgo deeply believes must be followed to get from here to there. Virgo and Aquarius can be quite physically satisfying to each other but both signs are going to have to practice a lot of mutual understanding and respect to get around the many differences in the way these two signs see the world. In the best possible vibration, Aquarius will receive grounding of the vision by Virgo, and Virgo will learn that some rules were made to be broken.

This vibration is so true. However, I love critism, it keeps me on my toes. And if I don't know where I can change for the better, then I won't. Virgos provide this for me. Thanks Puddy. Even though we argued all the time, over small misunderstandings. Not to mention we had great sex.

Ok I'm done for today...more to come later. When I cop a new nigga...OK...*lol*

Wednesday, April 26, 2006


I didn't sign up for this.

These "bootleg Africans" aka niggas (thanks Zed for that one, I just added my own little flavor on it...*lol*) is at war.

Yes, the Moes(Blackstones) and the 4's(4 Corner Hustlers) are at war.

I'm living in a war zone.

We're supposedly fight the war on Terrorism.

Terrorism occurs in every hood in AmeriKKKa every day.

And our soldiers are in Iraq?

Fighting a war on Terrorism?

I thought I had escaped the projects, but I feel just like I'm right back.

I have been doing nothing but reflecting.

Sometimes for me reflection gives me direction.

I can't stay here.

I mean I can, but I don't want to live that trapped life I lived in the projects.

I never wanted my son to experience the "jects", but shit this is the next best thing.

I will so much miss this apartment.

The hardwood floors.

The bathroom.

The kitchen. (Minus that hole in the wall where my landlord has yet to install my microwave, I should start deducting from my rent for that shit, the apaprtment was to be equipped with an overhead microwave.)

The location, if "bootleg Africans" wouldn't act like ignit "bootleg Africans".


I don't know, we'll see.

I was just beginning to get comfy.

Monday, April 24, 2006


DISCLAIMER, this is gonna be a long one so bear with me....

I woke up at like 10:30am, checked my email, and headed out to the store to grab some blunts, orange juice, and rootbeer. The weather was about 70 degrees at noon. As I parked in front of my house, the sun shone on my skin, living me with the feeling of wanting to be out and about. I just didn't have anywhere to go. I dreaded driving to the Southside just to kick it, so I was just about to go back in the house when my phone rang.

It was RH, he lives out west, I used to work with him years ago.

Me: "What's up Joe?"

Him: "What's up fool? What you on?"
Me: "Shit, I just pulled up in front of the crib, but its a nice day and I don't want to be in the house."
Him: "Well we just grabbed a bottle and a couple of bags..."
Me: (thinking, damn, its only 12 and they bout to get drunk, people talk about me all the time for drinking so early so this is right up my alley...) Where yall at?
Him: (gives me the location)
Me: "Umm, I got my son with me, some kids over there?"
Him: "Yea".
Me: " Don't yall be tryna roast either, I just threw on some clothes and washed my face..."
Him: "Ain't nobody on that, we just threw some shit on too, come kick it..."

So I arrive, they sitting on the porch cracking the bottle of Remy. RH introduces me to his friend, V, and V's mother. She had her glass geting filled to the rim with Remy while we drank from plastic cups. V then calls his little nephew out, to play with Kaeven. They call him "Change Clothes" cause thats all he does all day is change fits(outfits). Mind you, he never came outside to play with Kaeven because he got so caught up with changing clothes. Kaeven went inside to play.

I'm starting to feel the effects of the Remy, as V passed the blunt. It felt like old times, when I would post up on the block with the niggas from the hood and we get busted while we roast each other.

WestSide Niggas vs Southside Niggas

They basically broke it down for me like this. Westside niggas don't gangbang, but them young niggas will KILL YOU, no questions asked....

Westside niggas will holla at a female when she is not at 100%, whereas a Southside nigga would only holla if you was up to par.
(And here I am thinking that because all I do is wash my face and go out, that I won't attract much attention, WRONG!!)

Club 290

The strip club out west where they have all types of girls. You can smoke weed in there, pop X, and get a $3 lap dance...

RH say he got a homeboy that be passing out pills.
V: The question is who want some?
RH: No the question is, who don't want none?
Me: I don't....

They both looked at me in atonishment. I had to then quickly explain how I been there done that and quit back in 2003. Its not my bag baby...

RH then regains memory and says I'm the one that got him on it, cause I told him about taking a shower while rolling. That shit was amazing... You can actually see every drop of water touch your body. Talk about slow motion....

But that's not enough to make me want to pop X ever again in life. Nothing will...

Then they start telling me their strip club anedotes of how V fell in love with a stripper and was getting mad forreal that she was giving other dudes lap dances...*lol* So from then on, I called him T-Pain, they was rolling...*lol*

How RH almost got pulled outta his Chinchilla by the FOLKS, cause that nigga was so busted in the club he was laid out sleep....

The Circle

Garfield Park is almost like ATL's FreakNic. This is where all the stunners come to floss they 28 inch rims, wanging, with the butterfly lamberghini doors. Hoes be pushing they strollers up there, getting off the bus. Some hoes even leave they shorty in the car, with the windows cracked, while they walk through the park. Anything goes at the park. There was even a gay girl, eating out another girl for an audience of men onlookers. The girls and guys that are always at the park everyday, every weekend, get the rep of buss downs. Girls that bring their children are just thristy, they could start shooting or anything up at the park.

Bottom line, they said I would be there good luck charm, if we rode out to the park. They said, I would get rushed as soon as I got there, because I was a new face and it would be my best bet not to go get dressed and fly but keep on what I had on. Their plan was for them to say they were my cousins and niggas would get us fucked up off GP all night. Cause Westside niggas are tricks, but like TEEJ said, it ain't tricking if you got it.

I passed on that one, I don't care if it is only 2pm, I'm not taking my shorty to the Circle.

Greatgrandma and auntie, snuck up on us like Ninja's. We didn't see them until they were walking up the stairs. Of course, I went into prissy, good girl mode, cause of grandma. I spoke to both auntie and grandma, but I knew Grandma was on something when she didn't say anything.

She hugged her grandson, and then took his cup and threw his Remy out. I was rolling, but low key, I hid mine behind my back. (Red from "Friday": I'm just gone tuck mine in...")
Granny looked at me and was like "You too? Yall don't need that alcohol."

They went inside, I gave T Pain mine, cause I was already busted, besides, I like light liquour.

They was about to go get more, when Granny came back outside to complete her lecture. She then offered to pay for the spilled drink, she offered .75 cent. You can't get no type of Remy for 75 cents, not even fumes...*lol* She then went on to tell her grandson, T Pain, that he should take her to the riverboat.

She said, " I don't mind you gambling or smoking, as long as its not that 3 armmed cigarrette."

Me: (high and drunk as fuck, laughing my ass off) "What's a 3 armed cigarrette?"
T Pain: Just don't worry about it. ( He didn't want to get granny started, but I did...*lol*, the shit was funny...)If its not a regular cigarrette then it has 3 arms.

Man I was able to get a $5 Hype (clucka, smoka, crackhead)car wash. That cluck cleaned the shit outta my ride....I'm over there whenever I need my shit cleaned to prefection. They say Mexicans are hard workers, then they must've never seen a crackhead in action...*lol*

T Pain had a wedding rehearsal to go to, so he tried to bribe me to stay and wait for him to get back for more kicking it. He even gave me his bag of weed, as a stall tactic. I know he didn't expect me to smoke that "3 armed cigarrette" in front of Granny, so I shook it to the crib.


While we were still there kicking Kaeven came outside for a moment. He observed the numbers on the house indicating the address...

"4...3...3...0, Mommy they live at 4330"

"Yes they do baby..."

Then he repeated his own address. Cool.

But when we got home, he still remembered the numbers, "Ma, they lived at 4330..."

I was amazed, he has the same ability to memorize numbers easily without much effort, just like his mama, THATS MY BABY. Hell, can't nobody just kidnap him, cause he already starting to learn his way around. Always asking me while I'm driving, "Ma, what street are we on?"...*lol*


I'm sitting and watching the Law and Order SVU marathon when at 7:39pm, somebody start thumping(shooting) in my alley,right outside my window. It took 4 shots to register that they was shooting. As I heard the return gunfire, followed by a car skeeting off, I ducked low and ran to my son, he was sound asleep. I called my neighbor, BROWN SUGGA, to make sure she was inside. She let me know she was outside, so I asked her, " Was that you letting loose?", she like, "Naw, I was outside while it was happening, I ran...but it took a while to register, I'm used to hearing gunfire while I was in Iraq, so I paid it no mind til someone said, "They shooting!", then I ran..."

One month has passed, and another shooting on my block. This is gonna be a deadly summer. Let's hope I survive. WestSide or Southside, niggas is gettting kilt (killed) all over the place. T Pain was right, niggas will kill you, no questions asked....

I once again, talked to Kaeven about Survival in the Hood, and what to do if and when he hears gunshots....get low...

He took it literally, cause as soon as we went outside today, he was walking low to the ground, and I'm like, "Kaeven what you doing?" He like, "Getting low so I don't get shot". I'm like, " Only when you hear shooting, but you just have to pay attention and be aware and stay next to me, I won't let you get shot."

Why does it have to be this way? My son shouldn't have any worries as a child, but to be aware is to be alive.....

Saturday, April 22, 2006


Had me hating my boyfriend...*lol*
(Only to get me hot and horny to want to have mad sex with him...*lol*
This movie is hot and sex filled.)

Only because this film further validated the lack of heathly successful black men.
And how they are desired by every race of women.

Giving black women a slim pickings, when trying to find a compatible, worthy, mate.

Leaving women to sucuumb to such conditions, as in having to share one man.

Only to create a wider gap in black unity and family bonds.

Leaving more fatherless, mother lead households.

Validating the natural unconsciencious, subconscious desire lesbians have for men. (Most lesbians I know, have been known to hit switches every now and again....I said most, not all, there are a few exceptions...)
I always wondered how the "butchest" female ended up pregnant.

Scientifical laws of nature, validating the males ability to impregnant more than one woman at once, giving him a reason to be with more than one woman if not many...

This man is a hoe...*lol*
In the movie, dude lost his job for whistle blowing and got black balled. There were lesbians that wanted to get pregnant, but wanted to know their donors history, opting not to use sperm banks.

Professional women of all races and all walks of life, with $10,000 in hand, wanting you to buss big nuts inside them. How many men you know gone turn down that offer?

I loved the movie and it brought to light the plight of african americans in a different dynamic.
Spike Lee did it again.....(even though this movie is old, but a lot of people haven't seen it)
IT'S A MUST SEE if you haven't seen it!!
And if you did see it what do you think about it?

Friday, April 21, 2006

HOLDING ON ...Part 2

So Don planned a road trip. He didn't have a job, I mean how many jobs are actually in a small town like Dumas, AR? So him, his cousin and the driver, Terrell, came to Dallas. I met them at the Galleria, the "designer mall" in Dallas, TX. Our faces lit up once we saw each other. We then found a suitable and affordable hotel to lounge up in and get cheify and freaky. They left that weekend and basically our relationship was surrounded by road trips, plane trips and Greyhound trips (by him, I refuse to ride Greyhound ever again).

At that time, I didn't have a child and not many living expenses, so I was able to take trips at the spur of the moment. The good old days...
I was sexless other than the trips I took to Arkansas and when Don came to town. I didn't even own a sex toy, so I found pleasure in polish sausages and champagne bottles...*lol* For once in my life I vowed to be faithful and tried to make a long distance relationship work.

The next trips were sponsered by yours trully, and I took a plane to Arkansas during the Thanksgivng and Christmas holidays. I spent it with his family who more than opened their home to me.

I even remember some crazy shit I did to Don. He threw cold water on me while I was in the shower, and was just completely being an ass... So, as he continued in his morning charades, while I hot curled my hair, I just hauled off and let his skin feel the sizzle of my curlers....*lol* He went and told his mother and his aunt, (who was our age and he had been intimate with in their younger years)who had married his mother's brother, his uncle. They just looked at me and went on about they business, as if Don said nothing..*lol*

The time spent in Dumas, prepared me for living in Dallas, for when I first arrived I found it hard to understand what people were talking about. Their slang on top of their heavy accents, I was lost. After hanging with the southners in Dumas, and picking up on their accents, as well as, listening to Juvenile, the Hot Boys, and Master P, I began to understand the language. Communication was no longer a barrier, cause now I had mastered their accents and some of their southern slang.

In Dumas, their wasn't much to do. The town was so small everyone knew everyone else, as well as, knew the whereabouts of any particular person. Don and I basically made up for lost time, knocking pictures off the wall, literally...*lol*

The next time I saw Don, he took a Greyhound to Dallas, for New Years Eve. We had a great time and I had great orgasms.

The next two trips were then road trips. I acquired a roommate and she had boyfriends in Shreveport, so we made 2 more road trips. These road trips proved to be the end of a long distance relationship turned sour.

So my newly acquired roommate and I decide to surprise our boyfriends, with a road trip in the "Stolen Cavi" Stolen because my roommate mother used the Caviler as a control mechanism for her daughter and when her daughter didn't obey, she called the car in stolen. So here we are riding in a stolen Cavalier, speeding. We got pulled over twice before we left the state of Texas. We were let off with warnings.

When we arrived in Dumas, Don was no where to be found leaving me hot, pissed and horny. So after driving around the small town looking for him, to no avail, we headed to Shreveport, where my roommate and her mate, got busy in the bed next to me while I slept, until I woke up pissed, and told them to take that shit in the bathroom, I'm trying to sleep.

Once we arrived back to Dallas, of course Don called, because his mother told him I was in town, of course he had all these excuses, woo woo woo, whatever nigga, we'll be back next week for my birthday/ V Day.

And we did, we hit the road, without getting pulled over this time and head to Dumas, then to Shreveport to kick it. They had the 18 and over clubs.... I was still young then. We picked up Don and then one of her boyfriend's, Marlon( his fine sexy black ass, he wanted to give me some too, and if I'd known that bitch was trifling, I woulda hit that...). We got us a room for the weekend, then we hit the club later that day....

Here comes the funny part....*lol*

So we get to the club and our dates are acting so shady and shit, like they don't know how to party, so we ventured off. We spotted a tall chocolate, handsome young man and we approached him. We started dancing on him, feeling him up and shit. Then we invite him back to our hotel. I thought we was just talking shit, until my roommate actually gave dude her room #.

We could've sworn that our boyfriends saw us grabbing random fine guy's asses, because of their attitudes. They didn't hardly speak. So we go back to the hotel and we post up in my homegirls room. We smoke blunts and drink. Then there's a knock at the door. Everything began to move in slow motion. I knew who could possibly be at the door. Bubba, that fine young handsome tender that we was planning to run a train on, as long as he didn't bring his boy.

The plan was for her guy Marlon to go home, cause he had an attitude, and when Bubba came, I would dip off to her room for that hot action....


Well shit never goes as planned....

Marlon went to the door and looked through the peephole. I sat there nervously at the same time not believing the events that were taking place in slow motion.

Marlon came back from the door snapping, "Why is them same niggas from the club at yo door, Nikki?"

Nikki and I looked at each other, I wanted to laugh, but I had no idea of how crazy Marlon was over Nikki and if it was bout to be a fight. Anyway, Bubba fucked up bringing his ugly homeboy, wasn't shit gone shake anyway... But I guess it was smart of Bubba, being that we was 2 chics from up North (her Minnesota, I Chicago). We could've been trying to stick him for his paper. But we just wanted to stick him...*lol* Anyway.....

Bubba and his ugly friend left. Marlon left and Don and I went back to our room, where we didn't hardly speak. The next day Nikki told me she had got it on with the bellhop once Marlon left, while I lay in the bed horny, cause Don wouldn't fuck me cause he was mad, but would never say.

I tell you about those Gemini's....*lol*

Needless to say, Marlon broke up with Nikki and once we returned to Dumas, Don gave me the, "Its not you, its me", speech.

I cried like a baby that night. We went home on Valentine's Day to lonely hags...*lol* Both broken up with in the same weekend for the same thing...*lol*

Yes, I was heartbroken, but that will only last for 3 months until I met Derry......


Thursday, April 20, 2006


He lived across the street from my homegirl's house with whom I was living with in 1999. He was unlike all the other niggas that lived in the Englewood area. He walked different, talked different, and he wasn't thristy, slobbing at the mouth at the sight of me. I admit, the chase was exciting. My homegirl and her husband would have frequent ghetto get togethers, so she invited him and his cousin over. She secretly desired his cousin, so we plotted a game of Truth or Dare, in which, she would dare me to do things to my interest and I would dare her to do things to her secret crush, with her husband being privy. He couldn't get mad cause it was a game, right?

Anyway, the game turned out to be lame, cause people were daring others to do silly, non-sexual things... So we quickly ended that game. The next day, we all packed up in the Astro Van and hit the beach. So this is where I shoot my shot.

Don was a light skinned, pink nipple having, Navy reject. He went AWOL and was dishonorably discharged. His mother was half Italian which explained his features. He had a nice slightly muscular frame and a tongue ring, which I found intriguing...

Me: So when is your birthday?
Don: May 27th and when is yours?
Me: Feb. 11th. So you're a Gemini, huh? Ya know Gemini's and Aquarians make good mates.
Don: (laughs) Really??

And from there it was on like a pot of neckbones.

Before I met him, I stayed trapped in the attic, calculating my next steps for survival. Then after we began to talk, I would get up get dressed and actually have something to do. Each day we arose waiting to see each other, so we can chop it up. He had a huge water bong and I would go to his crib, once mother was gone and get smoked out...

The week his mother left him with the house was off the chain. I finally was able to feel the effects of a tongue ring, which left me sprung. He cooked dinner and we tied each other to the bed and took advantage of each other. I took full advantage of his mother's removable shower head. He would wonder why I was in the shower for hours...*lol*

When his mother returned, we learned that he would be moving to Arkansas in a few weeks. I knew that I couldn't remained trapped in the attic of a house that would one day be mistaken for the dope house for the abundance of niggas on the porch (even when no one was home), the shootouts that her husband's brothers were involved in ( I saw this from the attic window, those Belizians are crazy...), not to mention the weed tree that was taller than the house growing in the backyard. I knew that me living there was not conducive to my freedom and well-being. So I called Dad.

"Dad, you gotta send me a ticket, ASAP. Mama won't let me come back home and the cops gone come kick this door in one day soon, I can feel it."

Sure enough Daddy got me a ticket. Don had been long gone to Arkansas and we had been communicating via mail and the few long distance phone calls I received from him. I was scheduled to leave in 2 weeks. Going to Dallas didn't seem so bad, since Don was only 6 hours away.

Labor Day, 2 days before I had been scheduled to board my flight to Dallas. I had all my things neatly packed away so I could ship it via the United States Post Office. I didn't even tell my mother I was leaving, because when I cried out for help and to come back home because of the enviroment I was subjected to live in, she still said, I couldn't come home, so I just left. Months later she went by my girlfriends house to discover I had moved to Dallas....(FUCK YOU MOM, I still love her though..*lol*)

So my homegirl's husband had a connect on the weed, so we would always smoke big, while he went out and made extra money. On this particular day, my homegirl's cousin came to visit prior to her move to Atlanta. So there we all sat in my homegirl's room, smoking big blunts, while we watch the movie "Belly". You know the scene where Caine (from Menace to Society) drops a dime on his ass, cause, "He ain't like that shit". Well we were on the raid scene of Belly and I'm smoking the blunt, when I hear loud banging noises. I thought that them niggas on that porch done got into some shit and brought that shit in the house. Seconds later, I'm face to face with the barrel of a nine, and a white man saying, "Put your hands where I can see them, get on the floor."

That's right, we got raided. I explained I don't live here and my ID proves it, shit I'm moving to Dallas, in 2 days. You know they ransacked all my shit, fucked up my organized shit, and looked at my freaky pics.... PIGS!!!

Yall came for drugs, guns, and money. All of which was present in the house. They threatned my homegirl to take her kids and get her fired from the post office. Come to find out, the raid was an illegal seizure. The cops basically, came up that day, cause no one ever went to court. PIGS!!!

I made it on the plane, hit Dallas and caught pnemonia in the ass, cause it was so hot there and I came from a cold climate. Don and I continued our pen pal-ship and ocassional long distance phone calls, followed by his first road trip to Dallas....


Wednesday, April 19, 2006


How many of yall know someone that has this picture framed and hanging from their wall like a piece of artwork, like its a Picasso or something?

Tony Montana, huh?

Mr. Frank White...

'Joe' Pistone

Calogero aka 'C'

Frankie Carbone

Don Vito Corleone

Q: What do these movies have in common?

Commonalities other than the Italian mafia theme, Al Pacino, Robert DeNiro and the slew of other Italian actors...

A: Our young black men imitate this crimemob, druglord mentality.

These are their heros.
These are the men they idealize.
They don't understand that unlike the Italian mobs, they are still niggas.

They fail to realize that these are movies and that the "wise guys" get incarcerated or "whacked".
They look at this lifestyle as cool and appealing and this is what they strive to be....


Self hate perpetuates, while the lives of other races are imitated...

Monday, April 17, 2006

Just A Moment

Every night I lie down, my soul sinks, heart wails, and my emotions turn into despair, as I attempt to embody their total experience. Their experiences of being government property, living parallel lives of uncertainty, violence, and terrorism, temporarily. But with temporary uncertainty, that state could become an eternity.

My soul filled with their fears, their harsh realities, causing a whirl of emotions leaving my spirit hurt, tormented and anxious. Unsure to say the least. Unsure that the last time we talked will be the last time we talked; and our last laughs; our last cries; our last goodbyes.

They have two years to serve their time to the government. That's 730 days minus time served of me waking and laying to rest, imagining them doing the same. Wondering what their thoughts are, while knowing their fears, worrying about their safety, knowing my fears. Hoping they come home safe, knowing their survival will only validate their need to live.

Understanding they made their own decisions to become government property, still knowing they, as black men, have no place there. Knowing they wish they could turn back time and change the mistakes in their lives by making such a life changing decision.

Just know I pray everynight for yall's safety and not a day goes by where I don't think about yall.

I Love Yall

Julius F. (my cousin, Serving in the U.S. Marines in Iraq)

Kevin R. (my BD, Serving time in the state penitentary)

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Rambling Mammie

And you know it cause niggas outside wangin, rims shining, clothes crispy, hoes outside exposed, hoping to get chose, the kids outside running wily nily...

Everybody happy too...*lol*

This the fine Arab behind "three inch glass"...I would do this Arab,in a heartbeat. He think he black too...*lol* I find that flattering...*lol*

He got a twin brother too.
And he was talking that Arabic shit on the phone right before he rang me up. It sounded sexy coming out his mouth...mmm, An Arab young tender...

I am so all over the place right now please bear with me. I'm unable to form a coherent train of thought.

My car is pissing me off, its been acting up and I need to get some work on it or get a new one. I think its the fuel injection. Hell I don't know... All I know is, when I press the accelerator he goes slow and then finally kicks in. It could be my timing... It could be a number of things. But I am thankful my car has made it an entire year. I bought a pretty reliable vehicle, now I need to get some work done, or be if I can get a new job with some new money.


My ex, makes me sick, literally. He's annoying, clingy, unpredictable in his emotions, and sexually starved (by me anyway). I can only spend only a limited time with him before he starts to irk me He's always trying to have sex with me and I just don't get turned on by him. But how do you say that without beng harsh. "Like EWWWW, don't touch me, thats disgusting..." I've tried everything, he just don't do it for me act anymore. What's even worse is, he sometimes still tries to act like my boyfriend. Let's just hope I don't need any financial assistance. I think he's mad too, cause I didn't have sex with him and... I know, he knows, I'm not sexually attracted to him anymore, the fires gone.

Puddy, called me last weekend at booty call hours and I just didn't feel like talking so I ignored the call. Then he called again, two hours later, REAL booty call hours. I was still awake(I stay up all night and sleep all day, cause I can right now...)but I didn't answer. I was horny too, but still, I didn't feel like being bothered with anybody, not even Jesus. *lol* So I guess, he thought I had someone else over...Oh well, cause he didn't answer the phone when I returned both of his calls...(I called him twice) Other than that, we been doing our email thang, being silly. Its all good...
(I guess he read my blog and grew some balls...*lol*)

PCC, mmmmm my daddy....*lol* His baby mama OT and I've seen him twice already this week. I'm no longer nervous when I'm around him, I'm actually mellow and being myself, not focusing on my appearance or making sure I don't say anything silly...But hell, that's all we do is be silly, so I can be as silly as I want to be. I was this close to my fantasy...Well damn...

But he showed me something very disturbing.


Well there was a very disturbing scene where a dude got stomped almost to death outside of a club. Dude was a skinny nigga, going at it with like 1 dude at first, a big bodied dude. THe skinny nigga was giving him some go. Anyway, all the o ther homeboys vamped on dude, like 6 niggas, one grabbed his legs and beat him until his body went limp. They left that boy bloody with his pants down, ass exposed, in the middle of the street as he held on for life. He actually grasped the pantleg of the last guy who kicked him. This made me sick as I recalled the time I saw a man get beat like that in the middle of the street on Christmas eve. I could only wonder what did he do to deserve a beating like that. Personally, I think that's some hoe ass shit.
"Two men, one fight"
Fight head up, there's no need for 6 niggas to jump on 1 like some fucking punks. You would really have to hate someone and most of all, hate yourself, to cause that type of pain to a human being. PCC and I talked about that brutal scene all day and discussed what we would do if we saw such things taking place. We both agreed we would try to intervene.
This shit is so prevalent in the hood. Niggas think that shit is sharp, naw YOUS A BITCH ASS NIGGA!!!

I can't watch shit like that. I mean, why kick a man when he down. I could understand if its life or death, you or him, but not kicking a man while he down with 6 niggas, while one holds the legs....

My cousin lost her young 17 year old, father of her child to this shit. He graduated and was beat to death by young punks after graduation. Now she has a bastard child. The man ain't even see his baby born...

Hoe ass punk shit....

How yall feel about that nonsense? Have yall every witnessed something like that in real life? If you did, would you try to do something about it? Do you think there is a good enough reason for someone to get beat like that?

Wednesday, April 12, 2006


On a lighter note....


They had the jam though(playing below).

I haven't heard this song in a long minute. I actually purchased their album. "Luchini" ("falling from the sky let's get rich what?")

This was me and my BD the time we met, this was old school, but we would sing the song to the best of our memory. We never got a chance to actually hear the song together....

The beat just make you feel good. This is some soulful shit. I would listen to this to get motivated....

CSI:Crime Scene Investigation
CSI:(Nevada)will have guest appearances by
and .I can't miss that.

Thursday on CBS, 9pm/8pm central standard time.


As far as I'm concerned they're in cahoots...
Everything with the government is "G14 classified".
They tell us what they want us to know...

Its only so long you can hide the truth...

Worth a million bucks.....