I'm HERE!!!

The country road...
I love it, its so peaceful...
Gas is $2.65 a gallon, everywhere...
Its HOT!!

Here's my view from the balcony....
I love the greenery, it has a calming effect...


And Kaeven is so HAPPY!! I'm glad, right now, him and my dad are making chicken and dumplings....

The flight here was also cool. I didn't get misty eyed until the plane actually took off. I blinked real fast so that no tears will fall, then I went to sleep. I love sleeping on the plane. I made sure to get Kaeven a window seat so he could get the full experience.

There were so many white folks on the plane, I swear white folks make me itch...
I had to shower soon as I touched down, I could feel their fleas jumping on me.

I went to visit my child's father before I left, he was sad I was leaving to Dallas, since it is so far away....but I can't move with his mother cause she back on that shit....
He will try to get paroled here to Dallas though.

I saw PCC once again...
He might be doing 10 (8) years in the fed joint, if he cops out.
If not they gone give him 8 years for each pistol....13 pistols times 8 = LIFE...
I told him

"You gon' take 'em/Are you gon' take that shit to trial/And gon' be denied/Violate probation when you just got caught, with that ride/That alibi ain't gon' work" - Juvenile "Take them 5"

Anyway, we had a funky good time...*lol*

I saw Budd earlier that day...so what, yea I did a double bubb in one day...I was leaving shit...*lol*

Budd took me to see the building he owns, cause once he moves there, he wants me to make sure I will be able to find him, if I ever come back....

I received calls from both of them once I touched down.

"If I was a bitch, I'll be crying right now...you coming back and will you visit me in the feds?" -PCC

"I ain't tryna be on no soft shit right now, but I gone really miss you...you not coming back, are you?" - Budd

I'm cool now though, I'm glad to be gone. I'm confusing people down here with my ChiTown slang...blessing bottles and carrying on....

My pops got this lil fine ass co-worker he invited over, we drank a fifth of Henn, I made homemade chili, and we kicked the bo-bos...
They loved the chili.
Pops says he's off limits cause he got a girl, but if he didn't he wouldn't mind me dating him, cause he a "Real Nigga"...
Well I like his country ass and he's a Gemini...

My dad just said to me, he don't know what he gone do with the two of us....*lol*
If he only know what had happened last night once he went to sleep....Don't my daddy know he can't control me?

Anyway, my dad got me a gig at his job, doing tech support, until my other connect hooks me up with the$18/hr gig.

I can't wait!!!

Blogger Convention(Hooks vs Bricks)

Greeting Everyone,

I must say that today was an emotionally exciting day.

First of all, I was able to meet fellow bloggers, Nameliar and Teej. I've already met Nameliar but whatever...*lol*
Other than that, we had a ball or a least what I thought was a ball.

OH YEA, Deeds faked us, pulled a GeorgiaPeach move....I really wanted to meet you Deeds...I guess you had a hot date....

At least ROBMACK, had an excuse, work.....

Name brought her girlfriend,(I forget her name cause I was going to the car filling my cup with Hennessy..*lol*) she was cool.

Teej invited his homeboy, I think his name was Dave, don't quote me on this, but he's the guy to know if you want to be a stand-in or extra in any feature film...

We spoke of blogs. I had to cleverly keep my blog from getting in the hands of the persons I brought. I brought, Budd, his girlfriend and my homeboy Maine. If any of you have been reading you would know why I didn't want this information to leak...at least until I get the hell outta dodge. Now they all want blogs...*lol* But I never told them where...*lol* And made sure that Name and Teej followed me with the secretiveness(is that a word) of our blgger society...*lol*

Anywho....here are some pictures of our blogger convention...(Missy, Teej told us to throw up the M for you....so here it goes...)




We even managed to get free sundaes on the house because our Heroin-addict waitress took forever and a day to fill (I think her name was Tiffany, Nameliar correct me if I'm wrong)our order.

So upon receiving our order of a large chocolate sundae. I dived in head first. It was very tasty I might add.... Then here comes Budd, he flops a scoop in my face...












I yell, "FOOD FIGHT" and then I lodge a scoop toward him.(Can't take the ghetto outta some folks I tell ya...*lol*) I saw it hit the wall and then I heard him say, "OH NOW ITS ON!!", so I began to run in my stilettos heels toward the exit. I made it unscathed. But the door and other patrons received what was meant for me.

I was dying laughing when I made it outside and here comes Budd....












We were dying laughing and he was saying how fast I ran in my heels and how lucky I was, cause I was gone catch one....


Anyway, the whole night turned SOUTH....

I made the deadly mistake and said the word "HOOKS".

Hooks is a deragotory term used toward anyone who ride under the 5 point star. (GANGBANGIN SHIT) I mentioned it because we were in Hyde Park, home of the BlackStone Rangers and I know for a fact, that they have killed most of my homeboys...which are GD FOLKS who ride under the 6 point star....

All hell must've broke loose. Budd and Maine looked at me as if they wanted to murder me, over a word.....a simple word such as BITCH or NIGGA...

Yes....
They took it to heart being ViceLords and 4 Corner Husters, but no longer affilated...
I can't tell...

Anywho....

They gave me a pass cause I'm a girl, besides I apologized, not thinking they would take it to heart considering I was talking about those people that killed my people.

They supposedly forgave me. But Budd said he'll take it out on me tommorrow...(I can't wait..*lol*)

But after further thought and further convo with Maine...

I said...

"I don't believe how a word could have such an affect over you....

The same white folks that called me NIGGA, you still work for and I bet if they called you a nigga, you would still work for them...

That's like me getting all upset over being called a BITCH...

Besides that, GANGS were created to keep us divided and conquered...
A few moments ago, I was yalls girl, but because of a word THEY made to be deragatory....Now you hate me...

Yall falling right into the plan and yall supposedly don't bang anymore, but how could a word have such an affect on you....

Larry Hoover didn't create the GD FOLKS, just as, Chief Malik didn't create the BLACKSTONES....the government, the white MAN, created them to cause chaos and keep us divided and yall are falling into this negative bullshit.....

Yall was ready to kill me over that word and for what? What does that word mean exactly?"

No one could tell me the actual defintion, its just deragotory....

I HATE THAT SHIT!!!!

I hate that shit so much....

I never, ever called on GOD....

(Except when I asked to be blessed with a son)

But I haven't spoke to the LORD in a long time....

We were supposed to go into a club, but I was crying, literally crying out to GOD....


"Please help these brothers, see this bullshit....LORD PLEASE, I NEVER ASK YOU FOR ANYTHING BUT I ASK YOU TO SAVE MY BROTHERS, let them see this is all bullshit and part of the masterplan. LORD I will give my life for my people, but not in VAIN...etc. etc. etc...."

I must've cried til I was blue in the face and till I couldn't cry no more... I asked the LORD to please here my prayers...

I'm about to cry now...the shit hurts me so BAD....

I have ties to my ancestors so deep, they talk to me...
We are not to be here killing over colors or stars or the way your hat is banged or what set you represent....We are supposed to be in unity if we want to EVER acheive anything....

If I don't live to see nothing else, I want to live to see that...and the LORD knows it in my heart...cause I cried out to HIM tonite, I'm crying right now...the shit HURTS deeply....

Fred Hampton
Huey Newton
Malcolm X

Did not die to see our people living like this...so why are my brothers insisting on this way of living, claiming they've dropped their flags....

GOD, I HOPE YOU HEAR MY PRAYERS, cause you know what I want more than anything than life itself.....

THE UNITY OF MY PEOPLE...

NIGGAS GET OFF THAT BULLSHIT!!!

Its been a long time coming...

Today marks an entire year I've been here in the blogverse...
I can't believe I made it this far, so many times I wanted to quit.
So many times, I've changed my blog address.

I've met so many wonderful, funny, crazy people.
I've learned that there are a lot of people out there just like me.
I can't believe we're having a Bloggers Convention on my Blog-versary

Some bloggers keep it real at all costs, I love that!
ALL YOU MALE BLOGGERS HAVE PISSED ME OFF FOR THE DAY, because yall haven't responded honestly to my last post. Is there some MANLAW that forbids you from commenting on that subject matter?
Some bloggers are haters....I hate that...
Some bloggers are horny all the time, just like me.
Some bloggers have trouble finding a suitable mate, like me.
Some bloggers have some of the same problems as I do.
Some bloggers are freaks like me...yall know who yall are...
Some bloggers have supported me....Ms. Perdie, Dell Gines...
Some bloggers have given wise words of advice just when I needed it....Nikki, That Girl Tam...
Some bloggers don't blog anymore cause they traded their blog for myspace....GEORGIAPEACH, I'm so mad at you!
Some bloggers are very insightful.
Some bloggers are boring.
Some bloggers are too funny!
Some bloggers are beautiful.
Some bloggers are ugly inside and out. (They'll never post a picture, just hate on everyone else)
Some bloggers like to leave anonymous boguish comments, cause they're cowards.
Some bloggers aren't afraid to speak up...I love that, keep it real and stand behind what you say.
Some bloggers have turned their blog into money. (How can I be down?)
Some bloggers have sold merchandise on their blog.
Some bloggers have sexual blogs.
Some bloggers even post sexual pictures.
Some bloggers don't cuss.
Some bloggers will cuss you out and do it very well....JoJo Dancer aka Insanity
Some bloggers comment on my blog daily.
Some bloggers just come and read my shit and don't say nothing...(I hate that!)
Some bloggers blog daily, I love that!
Some bloggers blog when they feel like it. (I can't knock that, I'm the Queen of "when I feel like it")
Some bloggers have met fellow bloggers.
Some bloggers have spoken on the phone to fellow bloggers.

Okay, I'm done with my "some bloggers" rant.....

The Life of a Man...

This is gonna be a short post.
I'm gonna ask for more feedback than I do talk.

I truly feel I have done everything a man has or ever wanted to do, sexually.

Ok, that's it.

Now men, tell me what it is that you have wanted to do or have done, or simply just some of your wild fantasies. (Shit, I mean, shit a woman isn't supposed to do cause of the double standard)

Then by your answers I will be able to say, I have or have not lived my life as a man, in a woman's body.

Friday and Saturday Night Lights...

Greetings....

I've been kickin it so hard for my last week here in the Chi...

Friday, my guys and I drank 2 Fifths of Henn and then hit the club, the hood club. I had a blast, they played all my jams and I was so BUSTED (drunk), I couldn't stop dancing. My body was at one with the beat, I know I was jamming cause all eyes were on me and the bitches were lookin at me with hate in they eyes....

One guy told me to take it down low, and thats when I fell...*lol*, but I got back up and kept dancing, my dance partner fell too, cause he was drunk with me and tried to get low with me....*lol* But we players so we brushed that shit off and kept it moving....

Once I got in the club, I switched it up to striaght shots of Remy Martin...bad move...
Once I got to my homeboy's crib, I fell and needed assistance to the restroom, several times. Amazingly, I didn't "call Earl" (vomit), but I did fall in the tub trying to get my pants back on...
I was in no condition to drive, so I slept where I was....

Saturday, it was back on and poppin. We decided to take our adventures outside of the hood and kick it with the white folks downtown, for a change in scenary and pace. My homeboy is so crazy...Now you all know that when you talk to white people you have to appear less threathning so you don't scare them, right? Well my homeboy says, "YOU COMING OUT?", cause we wanted the parking space. He really scared the white man, he couldn't even get his keys in the door cause he was shaking so much. I never seen anyone drive off so fast...*lol*

Anyway, someone was having a party at some club, I think it was called Zenture or Venture. I never got to see the name of the club, because the bouncers wouldn't let us in, they said my homeboys clothes were too baggy. Mind you he's a big nigga, so basically, they wanted him to have the gay white boy tight fitted button up shirt look. I'm glad we didn't get in, because there were all Asians in the line, and I just knew the most hip hop song they would play would be Nelly Furtado, "Promiscuous"....and who wants to pay a dub just to hear that song?

Someone tell me why when white girls get drunk, they wanna talk and touch on you?
This bitch was walking down the street drunk and belching no-stop, she felt the need to apologize and now she wants to touch me, "Your glasses are so cute on you..." I'm just looking at her like, "get yo hands off of me, I don't know you!" She then goes on to tell us about a bachelorette party, which she describes as an "Extravanganza"....I started busting up laughing and I walked across the streeet so I wouldn't be too rude by laughing in her face.

So we stayed downtown, and headed to the Reunion. Ok, this was more my type of club. They had 2 VIP sections cause Letoya was there and some NBA nigga Brian Cook. I walked my black ass right into the VIP section, acting like I belonged. Then I went to get my homeboys, but they got stopped at the door, so they was just looking at me all salty, while I danced in the VIP room. I was standing right next to the NBA nigga and I didn't know who the hell he was, it wasn't Carmelo, so.....
My guys later on told me who it was, then one of them gone say, Brian Cook looks like my son...*lol*

We left there and went back to the hood for a while and kicked it in the club. Oh yea, I forgot we grabbed another bottle before we hit the club, and yes by that time I was wasted. So wasted, I called Puddy's dumb ass....I don't know why I did, I guess to see if I still had it like that, even though I didn't want to have sex with him....well he gave me the cold shoulder....so FUCK HIM...*lol*

Sunday morning, I got my back broke in lovely by Budd and that was an "Extravaganza"....

****Oh yea I forgot to mention****
How I was grabbing girl's asses in the club.....*lol* I was so drunk I even grabbed Budd's girlfriend's ass.....and tried to holla at her...*lol*

Why was I layin in the middle of the street?
Cause I wanted to do it, like they did on the movie "The Notebook" and I must say it was peaceful.....

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

I'm trying to decide whether I should fly (aren't we on high alert??) or take a train (to see the sights and have a day just to meddle in my thoughts).

It would be cheaper and quicker to fly, but I've always wanted to have a cabin on a train. I think the train ride for Kaeven would be fun, hell, I'll have fun as well.

The last time I took a train was in 95. Me and my sister went to Kilgore TX, to visit my grandfather. It was a long ride and I couldn't hardly sleep in those little ass seats and having to watch our backs. Perverts were walking around and young boys were trying to holla.

I swore to myself that next time I would get a cabin, so I wouldn't have that headache or backache.

I'm not in a rush to get to Dallas, I would love to take the train ride. But the flight is cheaper. I really want the bedroom liner with the bathroom and shower, cause I hate using public restrooms. That way I would never have to leave my room and food service is included, but that will cost $200 more. You have to pay for comfort.

I just hope the Taliban ain't on the plane or that the train doesn't derail.

I pretty much know what I'm going to do, but I would love to hear what you guys would favor more....

Lemme know your thoughts...

New Story

I've posted a new story on the Beat Ya Meat Section (http://beautyisabeast.blogspot.com/)

I'm just horny...sorry...

THIS CAN'T BE LIFE, THIS CAN'T BE LOVE...

What kind of mother will tell their own child and grandchild to live in a shelter?
The kind of mother I have, thats who...

Who will put their man before their child?
Not I, but she will...

Her man is homeless and in a moment, I will be as well...so who does she take in?
The answer isn't rocket science, but she will take him in ...

I don't hate her, I just laugh at her....
Funny how she showed false concern when I was to move with someone else's mother...
Now that that's a bust....she's reverted back to her true self.

HE told me not to go anywhere I don't want to be.
That would be Minnesota...I'd rather be in Dallas, hands down.
It's far from Chicago, far from my child's father.
Kaeven will be hurt, not seeing his father.
I do what I do for Kaeven, but it looks like, he will just have to miss his dad for a while.
They say, I could get them lame niggas bread in Minnesota.
When have you ever known me to be out for a nigga's bread lame or not?
That ain't me or is that my concern.
I need my own bread period.
Besides, I know Dallas, like I know Chicago....
Minnesota is new and I hate getting lost...
Who can tell I'm in a state of confusion?

I never had to live in a shelter, so why would I make my child live in one?
I lived in the projects, but I would never want my child to live in them.

Why is it that people confess their sins to me, as if I am the MOST HIGH?
This past weekend, 2 of my homies, told me everything about everything.
Its so sad, the way they have been living.
What's even worst, is the way karma comes and gets your ass....

That's why I live my life without causing hurt or pain to others.
Matters of the heart (dick and pussy) don't count.
My homeboy said he'd rather be lied to and sent off, than told the truth.
Therefore, I'll never tell....
I'll tell you the truth only if you can handle it. Well he told me he couldn't handle it, so there...

These 2 homeboys that confided in me, I feel their lives are coming to an end...
Sad to say, but I am very intuitive and that's what I see for their futures.

How come I can't see my own future?

GOD, what did I do wrong? What did I do to deserve this?

I've never stolen, I don't mess with married men, shitting on the union you brought together. I've never killed a man, I don't lie and I keep it real with myself.

Where did I go wrong?
What are you trying to show me?
Where are you leading me? Tell me, I will follow.


Now how did I end up with PCC this weekend?
I'll tell you, I was drunk, bored, and looking around at all the other people getting ready to get their groove on. My homeboy can't get it, so I called what was familiar to me. Shockingly, my car made it from Maywood to the SouthSide. Shockingly, I made it, being drunk and all.

Why is PCC tryna get me pregnant? After all these years, he decides to do this on this night...What I look like having 2 babies? 2 babies with father's in prision?
GOD, you know I promised to never kill an innocent soul, but look at me now?
I guess I jinxed myself, when I was talking to my girl and I told her I would have his baby...
I didn't mention under what circumstances, but I guess I spoke it into existence.
It was like PCC heard that conversation and acted on it...MuthaFUCKA!!
I pray his crippled ass got crippled semen...

Well Folks...

Looks like I'll be gracing Chicago with my presence for a little while longer. Shit happens, so on to plan B...anywhoo...I don't feel like writing about depressing shit, so on a lighter note...

My sweetie, Missy aka Negropino or Papi Princess, sent me my horoscope reading. Anyone that knows me knows, I am into astrology. There's a lot of truth in it...some may disagree and not believe in the signs. But hey, I do, and this my shit so...

Thanks Missy!!!(smooches)

Aquarius Feb. 11

positive:kinky lover (very much so),confident parent(yes), unselfish(yes, if I got it and you cool with me, we all got it)

negative: unpredictable( I didn't think being unpredicatble is negative?? I love that Jaime Foxx song), perverse lover (perverse as in my foot fetish...*lol*) a penchant for menage a trois( I can't agree with this one...not saying I wouldn't but I want my man to myself...even though thats long shot)

Word to the wise: dont try to control the Aquarius cuz they will simply disappear...(I couldn't agree more!!)

• Engaging and entertaining-never a dull moment (You would have to ask my peeps...hey sometimes I'm just laid back, not saying much, watching the enviroment. Generally I am outgoing, but I get in my moods...)
• Unique approach to life. Lives life as she sees fit, not what others think (Absolutely!!! Let me do me while you do you!)
• Doesn't like self centered men, or men that like to brag, or materialistic men(Ewww, you can't be more self absorbed than I am...but I do mine on the low low...*lol* Just kidding...but yes, please don't try to impress me with your diamonds, rims, car or clothes..that don't make the man....Matter of fact, I don't like anyone who brags or who's materialistic....include women in this as well...I won't be a bitch friend if thats all she talks about is what this nigga did for her and that one...)
• Being an AIR sign means you are magician. Now u see her now u don't. (Missy likes this one, but its so true. One week we may be kickin it strong, then the next week, I'm MIA...I get in my moods...*lol*)
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• This AIR sign is slim, with long shapely legs and hair cut SHORT or worn in different styles( Ok, I'm short so my legs aren't long, but my mom says I do have long legs, to be short, because I have a short torso....of course my hair is short...I look better with it short...but I do wear it in all different styles...People always tell me that they never see me with the same hair style twice....thats a lie, but I did win best hair senior year in HighSchool for this reason alone...)
• Trendy stylish dresser ( I wouldn't consider my style of dress trendy, I keep it simple, I don't rock labels, only sneakers with labels or perfume. But I do me, which is what no one else is doing...I hate looking like everybody and they mama)
• Mate needs to understand her needs before she tells him....he's gotta be PYSCHIC. ( I wouldn't say that. However, I do tell my mate to be completely honest, I can handle the truth and as long as, my mate can handle the truth, there will be no need for guessing. I don't have time to play games and if I'm with you I want you to know and understand me.)
  
• Demanding but gives back 150%..her husband will be pleasantly PLEASED( I do tend to give more than my all to my mate....to the point where I think I'm being taken advantage of...but I look at it like this. I if I want to do it, I will do it, not expecting anything in return. However, I would like for a mofo to do the same for me.)
• Creative(I've heard that...)
• Loves weaves, contacts, multiple body piercings and tattoos. (Wrong one, thats not me at all. I pride myself on not wearing weaves, I hate contacts and yall know how I feel about tatts and piercings, it will make me look ghetto. )
  
• Constant target of jealous people. ("I KNOW YOU SEE IT!" I'm glad some one said this....I thought I was crazy or something. I can't even hang with girls to tough, cause thats what they be on. We're all beautiful women, don't hate on me, cause I'm the first to congratulate...DANG...)
  
• Caring, warm...(HUH, when I feel like it!!)
  
• Has a lot going on. (When I'm in the mood to be out and about and in the world.)
• Elusive (Yes, very poignant and very true. That's why I guess I'm single...and people think I'm crazy*lol*)
  
• Aloof. Friendly but distant. (I got to have something to myself. I'm very cordial, but at the same time, I'm not just immediately putting a person in my circle. Hell, I'm in the process of eliminating my circle. So thats whats up. Aloof, yea, I'm a bit detached, but hell, can't put all your feelings into one thing...*lol*)
• Goes with the flow (Keep It Moving...)
• Intriguing (You would have to ask others if they think I am. I'm just me)
• Hard to keep up with. ( I don't know what that means. Sexually? yes this may be true...*lol* One of my scatterbrain moments...Yes, true so true, only another scatterbrain would be able to follow me...*lol* Tryna kick it...If I'm in kicking mode, I keeps it moving so that may also be true...)
• Looking for the next adventure. (Thats funny!!)
• Known for saying "When I feel like it...." or "I KNOW"(I added this one on my own)
  

I am compatible with...

ARIES-(Best buddies and sex comes into play sometimes but not the main focus)

GEMINI- (When they not being bipolar...I swear Gemini's need to say on them meds...*lol*)

LIBRA-if I can sit still long enough..(whatever that means, I can sit still, I'm a single mother...I have no choice sometimes.)

SCORPIOS-better off friends......can still have sex..but no relationship(Never had one and don't want one. Too possesive..)

PISCES- will take you to new sexual peak (If you count him pissing on himself, I guess, I never had that happen before...but other than that, it was normal...nothing spectacular)

SAGITTARIUS PERFECT....(mmmm, I already know...)

Random

I'm horny...I thought I wasn't having sex no more, but I might as well get some before I go, right?

I'm nervous...I got butterlies in my stomach. This will be our first time...

I can't wait to kick it tonight... He will be there, so I guess that will ease the nervousness for later on tonight.

I'm not boguish...I know I've known my homeboy for some years now and he's helped me financially in the past, but I don't feel him like that. Should I just say, I like him, not you. Yes he's getting some before I go, but you can't and you're not?

I'm sooooo anxious...Meet me at 11:30 I love it when you talkin dirty...

Why?...Am I now just finding someone on my level and I'm leaving. He's perfect, great combo of hood and intellect. Can switch it up....he does have 3 kids, but I met the BM and she cool. No BM dramma. But thats a lot of kids..right? Well Kaeven loves playing with them, so maybe I just won't have to have anymore...

I fall in love to easily...Why am I thinking of the future with him already? Thats crazy, but I tend to do that.

I don't think its love....Just last month I swore I loved Puddy, PCC. Now, I don't even think about them. I'm not even tryna see them before I leave. But they are Virgos and he's a Sag.
Sags and Aquarians click!

I'm so horny...I said that alrady, but I am. I'm so horny my stomach has butterflies while my coochie is tingling...*lol*

I can't believe I'm leaving....Reality will set once I'm in that car driving north.

I'm not gone cry either...Why should I? That doesn't mean the tears won't roll involuntarily while I'm driving.

I'm so upset...My cousin somes home from Iraq at the end of this month...I love him so!! I want to see him, but I will be gone!!! DAMMIT, hopefully, maybe I can come back to see him or something.


What should I wear tonight? A short skirt and some sneakers or a dress and heels? I think I want to wear some sneakers, just in case we gotta run or something..*lol*

I hate packing...But once I got going I didn't want to stop...I'm almost done and organized, I'll do the rest tomorrow cause I'mma have my mama help me with the rest....

What if his stuff is really good? I'm gone be in the Twin Cities feenin...thats not good. But hell, I been feenin this long...jaggin off thinking about him. I told him too...

I hope all goes as planned once I get to Minnesota!!!

BTW, this will be my last post for a while....I might do audioposts for a while, like Hassan...*lol*

First Time for Everything...

WOW, I can honestly, wholeheartedly say, Chi City will be missed to the fullest. I must say, my last week here has been one to go down in the books. I've done so much shit I ain't never done before, and I doubt I would've had this much fun kickin it with Southsiders...*lol* FORREAL, the WestSide kicks it hard!!

Saturday was my first time going to a pajama party. Therefore, this was my first time going outside, halfway naked, literally. I wore a black corset with white lace trimming with the matching panties(they were like boyshorts). Hold up, thats not all...*lol* I got a piece of black lace from the fabric store to wrap around my ass and a fur stole, just to enter the party. Once inside, I traded the stole for my white feather boa and I was stunting hard on everybody. I even made me a goblet(pimp cup) with my name on it.....I ended up leaving cause it was too many niggas and not enough hoes...and too many niggas was on the kid...
BTW, niggas are so nasty, I told them I was on my period, and they still was trying to hit....disgusting!!!

Monday, I went to my mother's house and we did each others hair. Now, she wants to be there for me. She will help me pack and get my rental car, I think she's planning to even follow me there. I love my mother....

While I was at her house, I decided to stop avoiding PCC, so I had him to ride down on me at my mom's house. I hollered at him for a minute. He was like, "Baby, I thought you left me." We fondled one another, kissed and hugged. I'm still not giving him none before I go....

I asked Kaeven, for the first time, "What do you want to be when you grow up?". He ponders, as he scratches his head, after a few seconds, he responds, "I want to be a man when I grow up." I couldn't help but to laugh, because his answer was great and well thought out...*lol* I then ask him, "What is a man?" to which he replies, "A man does work, whups the kids, and does whatever he wants to do." I laugh again. GREAT ANSWER. But when I asked him what job he wants, he said he wants to be a policeman. Crazy, cause he is scared of the police.

Last night, I kicked it with my guys, one of which I've grown to love. Its crazy, he's not that attractive, but to me, he's the finest nigga ever. I call him "Budd" from the Cosby show, thats who he looks like. I think I fell in love, when I called him and his voicemail answered. All you hear is some caucasian man..."Greetings"...who in the hell says "Greetings"? I thought I had the wrong number for a moment. But just to know he got enough game to switch it up like that, turns me so on.....Besides, he's funny as hell and cool. But why oh why, are all the ones I want already taken?

Last night, was my first time in life ever riding on a motorcycle. I always said I would never get on one cause I done seen a nigga dead, smashed between a building and a van, cause he was on a bike. CripWalk, aka PCC, got his name cause he was crippled, he was supposed to be paralyzed, from riding a bike. But I guess I got some heart due to the Hennessy, although, I told the guy not to do any wheelies or go too fast, or take me on the e-way(expressway). He obliged and I had a great time. I had the most fun when he did go a bit fast. Now I want a bike!!!...*lol*

Speaking of heart, my son has a lot of it. I always worry about Kaeven not being around boys or men and always being around me. Even though I teach him how to box, but still, a woman can't teach a boy to be a man. But he really made me proud last night. Budd has 3 sons, 7 and two 6 year olds. So naturally, they fight amongst themselves, all the time. Keep in mind Kae is only 4. Anywho....Budd starts the kids to fighting. He tells all the younger children to jump on the oldest one, and Kaeven was bout it! He held his ground. I was proud of him. That nigga gotta lot of heart, he fought til the end....I ain't gone lie, the 7 year old can fight his ass off, but Kaeven never gave up. He even started beating up the other kids, he was just hitting whoever was in sight. He gave the 6 year old some go, even made him cry...*lol*

Other than that, I need to start packing, but I tend to wait til the last fuckin minute. I don't feel like packing. When I moved out West, I didn't start packing til the day of the move. I guess I'll start Friday...*lol*

I HATE: (Inspired by Eclectik Relaxation)

When I tell people something is wrong with my car, then they ask me "Whats wrong with yo car?" DUMB ASS, don't you think if I knew I would fix it?

When nothing ass niggas approach me to holla, when I have the stank, "Don't try to holla at me" face....

When I tell male suitors, I'm leaving in a week and they say "We can kick it until then"...Nigga why??? I know you don't think you gone fuck...Get thee hence....Thanks Insanity...*lol*

When a man can't feign interest in anything else other than sex. I know men think about sex all day....at least feign like there's more to you than sex...GEEZ...

When people throw salt on any and everybody they encounter. Don't you have anything else to blog about? Are you so miserable you only find solace in talking bad about people? Get thee hence...*lol*

The fact that my mom, had my aunt to call me, to say, its cool if I stay with her. Why didn't she call to tell me this? The only reason you're opening up your home to me now is because, you see that someone else's mother, care more than you do.

When people call my phone. Text me, I hate talking on the phone. I can't see your eyes anyway. At least I can see the words and read between the lines.

When people call and don't leave a message. Obviously, you ain't want shit, cause you would've left a friggin message.


Over zealous religious folk. Don't tell them you aren't religious but spirtual. Now they think you are the anti-Christ. These folk will impose their religion on you. Do what makes you happy and I'll do what works for me, okay?

Living with other people. I hope this is only temporary, cause I can't stand it. Living under the same roof as someone with their own set of rules and regulations.

Niggas. Nique explains this one for me. (http://uncutdope.blogspot.com/)

Bills. Why does everything have a price? I thought this was the land of the free?

Telemarketers. My minutes ain't free. I thought this was a job offer. I'm hanging up now....

Not having a job right now. I'm tired of reading these damn blogs...*lol* Just kidding.

Nasty women. Clean up your house. I know you keep a dirty house, cause your clothes smell like a dirty house.

Nasty men. Clean up your house. Why did you invite me over here knowing the way it looks and smells? Take me home....

People who think you owe them something. I owe you nothing.

When people laugh at your misfortunes...

Going into Walgreens for 2 items, pads and tampons and coming out with back heating pads, batteries, candy, and toys for Kaeven....

People who beg. Get yo Felicia ass up outta here....(Felicia from Friday)

How these people next door party every GOTDAMN night. I'm glad I'm not working cause I wouldn't get a wink of sleep.

How these girls out west dress. They wear they pajamas outside, little ass pajama shorts with they ass hanging out the bottom. The worse part about it, they pajamas be dirty ass hell...I didn't mention, they under 17....

How everybody out west is poppin them E pills. That shit is not real. That is some heroin, cocaine, or mesaline(used to make animals infertile).

How I didn't get the "Top Flight Security of the World, Craig" job, not cause of my piss being dirty, but because of my credit. Like my dad said, "Those cocksuckits..."...*lol*
I'm done with my hate list for now. I'll do a I LOVE: list soon.

"SAY I", got this one from Teej who got it from DiDi...

I am not: who people think I am. You think you know, but you have no idea...

I hurt: when I can't give my son what I had as a child, for starters,how bout a mom and dad?

I think: too much into things.

I hate: niggas.

I cry: when shit gets built up inside of me.

I care: about myself, my son, my sister, and those who care about me.

I feel alone: whenever my son is gone or when I'm laying alone at night, through a thunderstorm...

I listen: but that doesn't mean I'll take your advice. Whats good for you may not be good for me.

I hide: when shit ain't going right.

I drive: just to let my mind wonder. Like I'm the police...*lol*

I sing: all old school songs and shit I really feel,(like that Staind song) at the top of my lungs.

I dance: when my song comes on and when I feel like it....

I write: to ease the pain or just to let thoughts off my chest.

I breathe: in sync with the person I'm holding.

I miss: a few people of my past.

I say: kiss my ass if you don't like it. Suck my big black dick while you're at it.

I feel: calm but anxious.

I succeed: just to fall off again, this cycle must be broken.

I fail: just to succeed again.

I dream: every night.

I sleep: whenever I get tired, the joys of unemployment.

I wonder: what our lives will be like in the future. Can we do it right this time around?

I want: unconditional love.

I worry: about bills.

I give: to people I don't know, if I got it in my pocket. Hell, can someone give me a dollar? I'm broke as a joke.

I fight: if somebody put they hands on me.

I wait: for nothing, I'm impatient.

I stay: in tune with myself.

I am: a product of my enviroment.

DREAMS, DREAMS, DREAMS.....

"Dreams of F*ckin a NBA Nigga "

This dream was crazy. For some strange reason, Carmelo was at Kaeven's daycare center/basketball camp. But Melo was in a wheelchair, sitting on the sidelines. I couldn't find Kaeven, I guess they were gone on a trip or something. Anyway, I started talking to Melo and before I knew it, I was kissing those sexy ass lips. Mmmm, I could really feel it too, they were so soft.

We kept on kissing and heavy petting, before I knew it, I could feel his boner. It was huge. We didn't do it, unfortunately, but we kept on making out. Then suddenly, he could walk again. So we was just kickin it and then La La show her ass up. She just dropped by before she went to TRL, but when she saw me there, she stalled a bit.


That was my Q to leave, but Melo knew she had to go, so he tried to stall me a bit. He asked me did I want a drink. I said, "Sure, what do you have?" Then La La says, "We got some E&J." I'm looking like, "Why is yall drinking Erk and Jerk?" But I knew what Melo was doing so I said fuck it and began to drink it. Still that bitch would not leave and he started getting mad. We had unfinished business.

I was still imagining the way his boner felt in my hand and I wanted to feel it somewhere else. But La La stayed, so I left and told Melo on the low, I would be back. Why was La La tryna befriend me? She like, "Where you live girl?"...I say, "I'm not to far away" and I left.

The only reason I had this dream about Melo was because I finally saw the "Stop Snitchin" clip with him on it. I just wish I could've got laid.

STOP SNITCHIN ft. Melo

ALL THESE MISSED CALLS

As you all know, I'm moving in 11 days and counting.
And yes, I'm sorta sad or depressed or however you wanna call it.
At the same time, I'm excited for new life and new beginnings.
Everybody and they mama, been calling me.
But I just haven't felt like answering the phone or being bothered, yall know how I get.
I go into seclusion....

Besides, whats to talk about?

You see who yo real friends are when its time to move....
Now all of a sudden everybody and they mama got something to do on Saturday, so they can't help me load up my truck.
Granted, I know marks hate moving, as do I, however, I'm not taking much, I just need help loading my truck up and getting my rental car, cause I'm giving my car to the Salvation Army.
I'll use it as a tax write off for next year.

"You don't even know what a tax write off is?"-Jerry Seinfeld
"I don't, but they know, and they're the one's who's writing it off..."-Cosmo Kramer

Other than that, PCC is still free and he's been calling the hell outta me. He was able to get a continuation. But I ain't even tryna fuck with him, I already said my goodbyes and let him go in my mind. So I have no use for him. He'll get the point soon enough, as he continues to call....

Then, so called friends, calling me to kick it, BITCH (nigga), I don't want to kick it. I need help moving, so if you can't help me, FUCK OFF!!! You live with yo grandmama and you can't drink and kick it in her house and so does all your friends (still live with they mammies), so don't try to come here to kick it at my shit, BITCH, you can't help move, I can't help you have a place to kick it. DRINK AND DRIVE BITCH!!! And enjoy your wedding, which is so more important than helping a "friend" move....

My ex from 1997, keeps calling me. So the FUCK what you here in Chicago and wanna see me. FUCK YOU!!! You supposedly a fake rap star now, well, I'm not kicking it with you on your terms, cause honestly, I don't want to fuck you. Now fly me out to L.A. and trick off some dough and then maybe we can holla. But he don't want me around them industry niggas....understood. HATER!!!

Mom popped over my crib, to show her fake concern, but didn't offer any assistance. Talking to me bout how she know a lady that works at Home Depot, who's hiring, making $10. Excuse me, but $10 will not sustain me. Maybe when I was 19. I can't do shit with a $10/hr job, but be broke. Some solution....Then she goes on to say, well, the lady has a house, kids, etc...and she's maintaining....I wanted to say, "BITCH!!! Don't compare my situation to anyone else's. I'm leaving and thats final. Besides, I'm tired of this city and I need a change in pace. And you ain't offering no help, so suck on my NUTS!!!"

I went to a BBQ, Sunday, the women were Puerto Rican(3) and the rest of the BBQ consisted of all niggas. But that food was FIIII. They made some Puerto Rican rice with garbanzo beans and spaghetti, with grilled chicken, no BBQ sauce, but it wasn't needed.... I smashed!!! I love Ricans!!! Luckily there were no Rican niggas there...cause it woulda been ONE!!!!

Do yall know, Sunday was my first time ever in life getting in the fire hydrant?
Yes, I grew up in the projects, but mom wouldn't let me go out and play in the hydrant.
That shit was fun and refreshing, besides I was drunk and it was hot....as hell, like I ever been to hell....*lol*

Old School Music always makes me feel better, this one is...

STRAIGHTEN IT OUT - PETE ROCK & CL SMOOTH
I love the horns, it makes me know everything gone be aiight....


Classic!!!